QUESTIONS OF CALLING

unearthing beauty, mining meaning, and seeking truth

This is a place for anyone who wants more, who is not content to be comfortable, who seeks a life of truth and meaning, not just happiness.

Here, we ask hard questions, tell true stories, and turn life inside out to unearth the ragged beauty within.

I’m honored to have you to join me.

What the Selfie Doesn’t Show: The Hidden Reality of Postpartum Recovery
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

What the Selfie Doesn’t Show: The Hidden Reality of Postpartum Recovery

Ten days after the birth of my third child, I caught my reflection in the mirror as I walked by with my little nugget on my shoulder and admired my relatively flat belly. “Look at me!” I thought, “I’m bouncing back so fast!” I snapped this photo to post on Instagram later with a witty caption to show everyone how un-pregnant I was looking.

But thankfully, before I had time to post it, I realized that this photo was a lie.

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8 Damaging Myths for Moms and Liberating Truths to Dispel Them (Part II)
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

8 Damaging Myths for Moms and Liberating Truths to Dispel Them (Part II)

(Myths 5-8)

Gretchen Rubin has shared Niels Bohr’s famous quote, “The opposite of a great truth is also true.” I think we can apply this in a slightly different way to say that the opposite of a great myth is also a myth. You cannot spend every waking moment caring for your children and also take care of yourself. You cannot simultaneously be the mom who gives up her career to stay home with her kids full-time and be the mom who follows her dreams while making a six-figure (or even five-figure) income.

If we allow ourselves to be caught between the opposing expectations of the Good Mom, we’ll always feel like we’re failing, no matter how great we’re actually doing. So it’s essential that we call these ideas what they are and shrug off their impossible burden, for only then can we be free to step into our own version of motherhood, to be the unique, imperfect, but deeply good mother that we were designed to be.

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8 Damaging Myths for (New) Moms and Liberating Truths to Dispel Them (Part I)
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

8 Damaging Myths for (New) Moms and Liberating Truths to Dispel Them (Part I)

(Myths 1-4)

We all pick up ideas about what it means to be a good mother either implicitly through culture and casual comments or explicitly through taught expectations, both well-meaning and less benevolent. And when our experience doesn’t match these expectations—either our own or those of others—we assume that the problem lies with us. We are not doing it right. We are defective in some way. We are not cut out for the task—the task that, by the way, all real women are naturally born to do effortlessly. Ergo, we must not be a good/real/godly woman.

Even if we don’t articulate these conclusions in words, they can swirl around in our hearts and poison our souls. . .

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From Fracture to Forgiveness: Navigating a Painful Mother-Daughter Relationship in the Haze of Postpartum
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

From Fracture to Forgiveness: Navigating a Painful Mother-Daughter Relationship in the Haze of Postpartum

One of the many unexpected side effects of becoming a mom is the way it forces you to look at your relationship with your own mother anew. For some, this elicits feelings of profound gratitude, love, and admiration. For others, the feelings are much less positive.

This story is one of the latter. This author (who asked to remain anonymous) remembers her journey to forgiveness with a mother who could not be there to support her and how she learned from becoming a mother herself to understand and forgive her mother.

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Cassie Hubert: Kindness, Grace, and Personal Space with a Family of Five + Baby under Lockdown
postpartum, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, emotional health Mara Eller

Cassie Hubert: Kindness, Grace, and Personal Space with a Family of Five + Baby under Lockdown

How do you connect to your own soul, when there is nowhere quiet and peaceful to go?

This is the question that Cassie is faced with when she finds herself stuck in a small apartment under lockdown with a new baby and three other children, two of them high-needs. The postpartum stage is hard enough under normal circumstances, but the Covid-19 pandemic has added another layer to the isolation and challenge of having a new baby. In this piece, Cassie reflects on what she learned about finding space for herself and keeping her sanity in those trying times.

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Laurie Davis: Embracing the Unexpected  
postpartum, faith, motherhood Mara Eller postpartum, faith, motherhood Mara Eller

Laurie Davis: Embracing the Unexpected  

Life never ends up looking quite the way we imagine, and this is especially true for the postpartum stage. No matter how much we try to prepare, we will be bombarded with challenges—and joys—that we did not expect.

This was especially true for Laurie, but as she shares in this story about an at-birth Down syndrome diagnosis, there is one thing about motherhood that we can count on absolutely: our purpose.

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Maggie Shackelford: No Going Back
motherhood, postpartum, emotional health Mara Eller motherhood, postpartum, emotional health Mara Eller

Maggie Shackelford: No Going Back

A question for myself and other postpartum people: Why are we so determined to convince the world that we never had a baby? Why do we need to bounce back? Why do we need to erase any sign or hint on our bodies that we just grew and birthed life into the world?

Our culture is obsessed with how quickly birthing people return from this cataclysmic experience and back to “real” life. You get patted on the back for leaving your house with the infant days after giving birth, for fitting into your pre pregnancy clothes as soon as possible, for being “productive” again (because keeping an infant alive isn’t productive). . .

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What About Mary? Ruminations on the Postpartum Journey of the Mother of God
postpartum, motherhood, God, Christmas, faith Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, God, Christmas, faith Mara Eller

What About Mary? Ruminations on the Postpartum Journey of the Mother of God

My perspective on Christmas has changed dramatically after having a baby (or three). I still love it: the twinkle lights, the carols, the sense of hunkering down during the long, dark nights, the joy of Christmas morning gift giving. And of course, the reason for the season—the celebration of the miraculous incarnation of God in the form of a tiny, helpless human.

But having incubated, birthed, and cared for three tiny, helpless humans myself, I am acutely aware of Mary's experience in all this. The Christmas season, for me, has become intimately tied to the experience of late pregnancy (Advent), labor and delivery (Christmas Day), and postpartum motherhood (the other eleven days of the Christmas season leading up to Epiphany). And I can’t help but wonder: how did Mary fare those first weeks and months after she gave birth?

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The Annunciation: Mary’s Unexpected Calling
Christmas, calling, faith, God Mara Eller Christmas, calling, faith, God Mara Eller

The Annunciation: Mary’s Unexpected Calling

Do you ever wish that God would just tell you what to do with your life? That he would just announce your calling and eliminate all the confusion and struggle that usually accompanies that process of discernment?

I know I have.

But there's a mercy that comes with that process too. It allows us to adjust to that call slowly, to learn the skills and discipline required bit by bit, to gradually come to terms with the difference between what we thought our lives would look like and the reality in store for us and to begin to understand how that reality will ultimately surpass all our hopes and dreams even as it crushes many of them. . . .

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Blind and Powerless: the Condition of Labor and Life
pregnancy Mara Eller pregnancy Mara Eller

Blind and Powerless: the Condition of Labor and Life

I learned a new term yesterday: prodromal labor.

I started noticing regular if mild contractions around 12 pm. Around 3, we started prepping for labor, just after I took this picture. By 6, they had been about 6 minutes apart for hours, but they still weren’t very strong. By 9 pm, they decreased and then stopped altogether. After 9 hours of contractions, the show was over.

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When Callings Conflict
motherhood, calling Mara Eller motherhood, calling Mara Eller

When Callings Conflict

What if you’re called in multiple directions at once? What if the realities of your life—good, precious gifts—seem to be designed to prevent you from pursuing the other callings you’ve worked so hard to discern and develop?

These are the questions I’ve been struggling with recently as I feel another life growing within me and see her due date nearing on the calendar.

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