QUESTIONS OF CALLING

unearthing beauty, mining meaning, and seeking truth

This is a place for anyone who wants more, who is not content to be comfortable, who seeks a life of truth and meaning, not just happiness.

Here, we ask hard questions, tell true stories, and turn life inside out to unearth the ragged beauty within.

I’m honored to have you to join me.

Postpartum: The Second Birth No One Told Me About
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

Postpartum: The Second Birth No One Told Me About

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I read obsessively about pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I read about cribs and car seats, strollers and swaddles. Thanks to some savvy friends, I even read some about breastfeeding, though I didn’t learn many basic facts about babies and their care until after our little girl had arrived and started making it very clear that we were not meeting all of her needs, at which time I read more.

What I never read anything about was what would happen to me after she was born. Not just physically—which offered plenty of its own surprises and challenges—but also mentally and emotionally. . .

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What the Selfie Doesn’t Show: The Hidden Reality of Postpartum Recovery
postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, emotional health Mara Eller

What the Selfie Doesn’t Show: The Hidden Reality of Postpartum Recovery

Ten days after the birth of my third child, I caught my reflection in the mirror as I walked by with my little nugget on my shoulder and admired my relatively flat belly. “Look at me!” I thought, “I’m bouncing back so fast!” I snapped this photo to post on Instagram later with a witty caption to show everyone how un-pregnant I was looking.

But thankfully, before I had time to post it, I realized that this photo was a lie.

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What About Mary? Ruminations on the Postpartum Journey of the Mother of God
postpartum, motherhood, God, Christmas, faith Mara Eller postpartum, motherhood, God, Christmas, faith Mara Eller

What About Mary? Ruminations on the Postpartum Journey of the Mother of God

My perspective on Christmas has changed dramatically after having a baby (or three). I still love it: the twinkle lights, the carols, the sense of hunkering down during the long, dark nights, the joy of Christmas morning gift giving. And of course, the reason for the season—the celebration of the miraculous incarnation of God in the form of a tiny, helpless human.

But having incubated, birthed, and cared for three tiny, helpless humans myself, I am acutely aware of Mary's experience in all this. The Christmas season, for me, has become intimately tied to the experience of late pregnancy (Advent), labor and delivery (Christmas Day), and postpartum motherhood (the other eleven days of the Christmas season leading up to Epiphany). And I can’t help but wonder: how did Mary fare those first weeks and months after she gave birth?

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Blind and Powerless: the Condition of Labor and Life
pregnancy Mara Eller pregnancy Mara Eller

Blind and Powerless: the Condition of Labor and Life

I learned a new term yesterday: prodromal labor.

I started noticing regular if mild contractions around 12 pm. Around 3, we started prepping for labor, just after I took this picture. By 6, they had been about 6 minutes apart for hours, but they still weren’t very strong. By 9 pm, they decreased and then stopped altogether. After 9 hours of contractions, the show was over.

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